We celebrate independence, praise detachment as emotional maturity, and raise an eyebrow at anyone whose love feels a little too consuming, too dependent, too much. Somewhere along the way, dependence became a dirty word. So how do we say “I need you, but I need me too?”

The paradox of wanting love but fearing it is one of the most human experiences we can have. It’s not irrational. It’s protective.

You know the feeling: someone gets too close, and suddenly, you’re pulling back. Maybe you change the subject. Maybe you make a joke (whoops, guilty). Maybe you disappear altogether. We call it putting up walls, but it’s really a form of protection. And like most protective strategies, it started somewhere meaningful.